Can you read this essay and give me any suggestions if it is any good?

I don't care if you disagree with it but help me give it suggestions.


it is a bit long but if you have time please?





I wish I would have…





The Senior itch- an incurable, relentless itch that we all crave to scratch. The cure? Graduation from school. As I went through my years growing up as a toddler to a senior in high school, I started craving for freedom. However, I soon realized what I desired most sometimes is not what is best for us. Although I didn’t want to admit it, I should have started preparing for college sooner when I could first distinguish the difference between the words me and I. Just being accepted into college requires students’ utmost effort and planning that I didn’t do during my prime years as a freshman.


All colleges look for how an applicant has used his years in high school and the years before that. Having a job, joining an internship, leadership roles in your school, or any competitions you joined outside of school that has promoted your self-interest. In school I never bothered even having it come to mind. I would always doodle in class with random pictures that came to mind, use the mitosis notes as a comfy pillow, and fire paper balls, covered in my spit, with a milk straw from last semester into my gray teacher’s hair; it camouflaged so I never got caught. I passed classes by coping my classmate’s homework, and sometimes occasionally seducing a girl with my charm. By the end of the year, I had nothing on my résumé but an unsightly row of F’s and strident lectures equipped with notorious looking eyes and unpolished mouths.


Education aside, I never found time within my four-year high school period to pursue the dream I desired or find a good job to pay me for future years. As a naïve child, still yearning for freedom under the caliginous confinements of the school walls, I started working long hours each day, bringing home a $24.50 a day, baggy eyes, and adhesive cow dung attached to the bottom of my shoes. As night once again took over the city of Burke, I took a gnash out of a moss-infested chicken leg; curled up under the week’s daily prophet, and slept under the heaven’s ominous eyes crying until I could cry no more. Colleges are drawn to students who have a high, rich, assortment of community service hours and evidence that shows their organizational skills. I could not find the hours needed to put into these tasks because of my naivety to not prepare early.


High school is the foundation of how the rest of your life will turn out. It is like investing in bank with two kinds of people; Players and the chumps. Players are the people think ahead of the game and instead of investing into trivial things and wasting your money away, they invest into mutual funds and stocks using their money to make more. The chumps are people who cash out their money as soon as they see a ‘I must want it’ item. If you try hard in high school, you will succeed in life, however if you waste that time, sometimes death is more appropriate. People like me face an inevitable enemy called Time. As I look back at the place where I first set foot on the green marshy field, and visit the swing set where I used to give back injuries to people on, I knew the door was closed. No longer could I go back, no more chances, no more life…

Can you read this essay and give me any suggestions if it is any good?
Yeah its pretty good. You are a good writer. I think you should get an A.
Reply:Okay so I read the first two sentences, and I already found a contradiction. You said, "an incurable, relentless itch" then in the next sentence, "The cure?" Besides that, everything else was pretty good.
Reply:its great!! I've written alot of essays but never any this good.. %26lt;:
Reply:You started out well, however, the points became more and more vague as the essay went on. You have some lines that I had to read over again to make sure the meaning was correct, and then I realized the sentence just needed adjusting, i.e., the "teacher's grey hair" and "What we desire most, is not always best."


I also wanted to know where you were going with this essay, was it a student project or are you writing your speech for the student body during graduation?


One more thing, I know for a fact there have been cases of parents that have lost their child just before graduation, that will still attend the ceremony just to see the friends graduate. I would not include the line, "if you try hard in school, you will succeed in life, however if you waste that time, sometimes death is more appropriate." This could be very offensive...
Reply:i dont have a ton of suggestions... but amazing advise. it really made me realize that as a sophmore i should really focus on the future more. the 5 min it took me to read it seriously just changed my life. thanks =)
Reply:I liked it! its written well! I loved how you used different forms of writing like personifications and metaphors cool!
Reply:Let me EDIT this page for you/





%26lt;%26lt;I wish I would have…%26gt;%26gt;





...Gotten a ROADMAP of life rather then a road trip to Disney World when I was a kid.








Now THAT folks is HEAVY editing. Lets see all dem thumbs.
Reply:I only read about half of it, and I found lots of grammatical errors. I don't have any content advice, but if this is your rough draft, get it checked over thoroughly. I would try and correct it now, but I have homework to do myself. Just some advice. Good luck.
Reply:I like your hook but after that, it got kind of boring. Try to show what you want to say rather than just telling because I couldn't even finish it, sorry
Reply:This seems more about the Gayboy's AIDS than the Senior Itch. Sorry bro.



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