Why is it, even though I think I have no interest in my ex-wife, I find myself overanalyzing her visit tonight

My ex-wife is coming over tonight for the first of what will be bi-weekly "movie nights" with the kids and me (I have majority custody, but thought she deserved to spend a couple of hours here and there with them on some weeknights).





In return for allowing this, Claire bought me a nice new bed and comforter, and I found myself being extra fastidious in making it today. I also found myself checking my dresser drawer to make sure it was stocked with condoms (yes, one left from my last girlfriend, Krystka -- it has some foreign lettering on it but the expiration date is valid), baby oil and hand towel -- even though I have no intention of even showing my wife the bedroom.





Simply, we're all going to watch "ET" with some snacks, put the kids to bed, and Claire will go home. So why then did I find myself putting on her favorite cologne today, or wearing my cool shoes even though they hurt, or getting my eyebrows waxed at the Korean place instead of getting the $50 massage plus "tip"?

Why is it, even though I think I have no interest in my ex-wife, I find myself overanalyzing her visit tonight
Call me crazy, but I am positive you can't live with someone for 17 years and just feel nothing. It may not feel like love nor hate but there is a whole gray area in there still and you haven't begun to run the gamut of emotions yet. I would bet after your last meet wanting sex could be in there somewhere even if you don't think your really attracted because its familiar, and at some point in your lives really good.


Then with the personal primping yes you do want her to want you, that is natural, even if you don't want her, some part of you is going to want to let her know you were a good thing.


If you keep scraping the layers you are going to miss all the times that were good with your family all together, Claire included.


People seem to really throw out their emotions in anger only, when a spouse cheats because its easier that way but it is mixed with your life and with your love, it is just so much easier to only pay attention to the hate or bitterness because you don't have to analyze those emotions and they are purging. You can just justify them and not feel as much of the devastation that way.
Reply:I hate to simplify this, but your ex-wife is probably hot, seeing as how she was fit to be your wife in the first place. It doesn't necessarily have to be about your feelings as some might suggest, though i wouldn't dismiss that possibility.





You are entitled to have desires regarding your children's mother. You're doing fine. Good luck.
Reply:You still call her your wife, I noticed that. The nicest thing I can ever call my ex is "my ex", and even though i have primary physical custody there is no way in h*** I would invite that man into my home for a comfy cozy "movie night". You still care deeply for her, I don't know the reason for the break-up, but it sure sounds like you still wanna be the Mr. to her Mrs.
Reply:Well sounds like u still have some feelings for her.


And her coming over tonight may give u the wrong idea why she is coming in the first place. Men tend to misjudge everything. She may or maynot be feeling the same way, but hey...better to be prepared then not.
Reply:Everything you have written here is contrary to the statement that you "have no interest in your exwife." You are doing this stuff because you want to have sex with your exwife. I don't know that this means you want to reconcile.





When you find yourself walking, talking and acting like a duck, you are quite possibly a duck. Doesn't matter how many times you tell yourself you ain't a duck... you are a freaking duck my friend.
Reply:maybe you still care about her a little? i'm sure that this woman has had an impact on your life, and even if you don't want to be with her now since she is your ex wife and all and i'm sure there is a reasonable explanation for your divorce. but people that have impacts on our lives always have a place in our hearts.
Reply:oh, come on, you know the answer to that! ;)





considering you're all set up for sex, I'd say there's still at least a LITTLE spark there. but, hun, you answered your question already!
Reply:sounds like ure falling back n love with ure wife,,n if shes making time for u n her kids to b together,sounds like she mayb hoping things will work out btween u n her,good luck.u should get some fresh flowers.
Reply:Please you know exactly what you are looking for...





LMAO @ Krandazzo - its true he is always asking questions about his "ex-wife" LOL
Reply:She was your wife you just broke up. If you really truly loved her then there is no way that you could be over her so fast. In my opinion.
Reply:Becuase you are still attracted to her.
Reply:You are obviously not over her yet.
Reply:Obviously you do have some interest. It's that simple. Either that or you think that SHE has some interest.
Reply:aww why did you block me....





guess the truth hurts......
Reply:its obvious...you sill are attracted to her...
Reply:i wanna know how much more are you going to go on about his topic...its an everyday thing man!
Reply:I've given up on you.
Reply:I don't think you are over her buddy.
Reply:It's funny that you should use the word, "over-analyzing," as that's exactly what my husband says I always do. You, my friend, are still in love with your ex-wife. You may not realize it, admit it, or want it, but it's there, deep down inside you. This doesn't mean that you are ready to forgive her or to pick up where you left off. It just means, plain and simply, that you love her and want her. Hope you have a nice family night watching the movie together. Whatever else happens, happens. You can decide. I think we all know what your wife would like. Have fun, and good luck!
Reply:Oh man, I know exactly how you're feeling!!


I'm sorta the same way with my ex...minus the checking to see if I have condoms part...here's my opinion. It's true that you are NOT interested in her, but you do want her to still be interested in you. You want her to see how together you've got it, and even though you don't really want her back, you do want her to want YOU back. Perhaps you're hoping for the sex to, again, make her want you back again...I do the same things in that I'll put up pictures of myself (in Facebook) in bathing suits or doing something fun like camping in the hopes that my ex will look at them...lame, and stupid, but I think you're doing the same things, just in a different way. Time will pass for both of us, and slowly we'll get over it...just don't forget that she's your EX for a reason!!
Reply:Oh, yes, you DO have interest in your ex-wife, sweetie. Admit it, the evidence is staring you in the face! :)





Even when I was really mad at my husband one time, and I felt like I shouldn't make the effort, I still did. I still dressed up for him, spent hours in front of the mirror, set up the bedroom for his return, and then pretended it was normal. But just like you, I thought I was simply overreacting.





But I was telling myself that. The truth is, our exes could turn into mushrooms right before our eyes BUT...we shared our bed with them, we shared our lives with them, maybe even had kids with them, learnt their secrets and told them ours. They have a piece of you that no-one has touched...and that's special! It's not something to turn away from, no matter how hard we try, it'll pop up like an annoying balloon.





You're flattered that she's coming to see you. She's flattered that you're still seeing each other, no matter if it isn't romantic, and that's replaying. You guys are bouncing off of each other and probably getting nostalgic about the good days subconsciously; so you're replaying those 'good days'. Getting prepped for sex and making an effort.





I guess it's just one of those human things, eh? Just make sure that this is what you want if you go for it. You're a great guy and just make sure you enjoy the family time before worrying about it.





All the best! x
Reply:Íts because we As people want or like to give people a good impression of what we do or who we are. Even though you may not want "to get back with her" you still dont want her too look to you as being an ***. So this is why we go to the xtrA trouble of smelling nice and making sure the house is neat and clean.. Its like look see what you had but now it GONE.


like haha you cant have me but i may get me some on the side if it happens it happens//..... ♥



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